This week’s 2 Minute Monday Mindset is about the other person you are communicating with to build better relationships and achieve better outcomes.
Shut the Hell up to Understand the What and Why of Someone Else
We all don’t want to be just heard. We want to be understood.
We want you to know from our shoes, not yours.
We want you to listen … really listen … and shut the hell up.
Here’s what you are missing though.
By shutting the hell up, I’m not talking about your mouth.
I’m talking about your mind.
What we all do, including me, as someone is talking is one of two things.
Either we are listing to just get enough to refocus our own thoughts,
Or we are listening to rebut what we are hearing.
We can’t wait for the other person to finish so we can show off our brilliance.
We stopped listening … to them, and focused on listening to ourselves.
You can never understand … truly understand … someone else unless you shut the hell up in your mind not just your mouth.
You are probably saying: “Michael, that sounds easy but how can I truly shut my mind off?”
I wish I had a magic wand. I don’t.
I do have a magic question though.
Ask yourself a question and then listen to get that question answered. Here’s the question:
“What are they saying and why are they saying it?”
You will then ask questions that dig to uncover reasons and rationales, if that’s needed.
You will now discover what’s motivating their view, often coming from something in their past.
You need to know not only what they think, but how they feel and why they feel that way.
So let’s go forward this week listening more for not just what someone says but understand “why” they are saying it.
This is their story, not yours.
You can’t be judging in your mind.
You can’t be arguing with them in your mind.
You can’t be solving their problem in your mind.
You need to listen for “what are they saying and why are they saying it?”
To do that, you have to shut the hell up … not just your mouth but your mind.
Listen with empathy for them, not yourself.
When you can shut the hell up, you will listen better, understand the other person from their point of view,
And this will lead you to better relationships and better outcomes.
And I’ll see YOU at the next 2MMM
